[preface: About a month ago, I ordered a Quickie GPV wheelchair, after much research. Today, UPS’s site listed that it should be arriving at my house.]

12:08pm: My wheelchair just arrived. There’s a large cardboard box sitting in the front hall… and i’m somewhat afraid to open it. More than somewhat. I’m literally shaking, actually. It feels like a really, really big step I’m taking today. It makes this more real, now that it’s physically here. I never went through this with my crutches, but that’s less of a big deal I suppose, in society’s view anyway. In my view, it’s at least less ‘different’ compared to how I was before, than wheeling will be. Maybe if I just leave the box there, things won’t change. Probably not the best plan. It’s a big box, I’d keep tripping over it. I’d better open it. I can deal with change. :)
12:18pm: Still removing staples. There’s lots of staples…
12:23pm: Finally got the box open. One wheel unpacked. I have to take a break, breathe for a minute. I knew this would be an emotional time, but I underestimated what an effect it was going to have on me.
12:34pm: Frame and wheels unpacked from the box itself, still bits covered in plastic and to be assembled. But I have to get back to work, lunch hour is over. I seriously doubt I’ll be able to concentrate on anything work-related, but I have to at least try to get some work done. :)
4:03pm: Back to it. That was one of the hardest afternoons of work to get through, knowing my chair was here but knowing I really should be getting my work done. No matter, now it’s after work and I’m free to unpack more and assemble stuff. Most of the scared-ness has turned to excitement. I fully expect that to reverse again as I work on it.
4:20pm: Axles and wheels are attached. It looks like a wheelchair now. The scaryness has returned *grins*. It’s starting to sink in now, I think. It’s more mechanically involved than i’d expected, too ;). Wheel locks and other random bits need to go on now.
5:13pm: Took me awhile to figure out how the wheel locks mounted and such, but I have it sorted out now. Pretty much finished assembling it, except for the crutch holder, which can wait… Now I’m just avoiding it. I’m just sitting here thinking ‘this makes it more real. if I never take the step of using a chair, maybe I’ll be able to just stop thinking about all this, and it’ll all go away’. That’s silly, I know. If that’d been true, I’d never have bought the chair in the first place. Denial’s gotten me absolutely nowhere over the years, in fact it’s made everything much worse. So I might as well go forward instead…
5:32pm: I sat down. In my chair. and everything… slowed down. I was somehow a lot more aware of my breathing, aware of every little feeling in my body. Wrapped my hands around the handrims, and it just feels… right. Natural, somehow. It’s really not something I can get across very well in words, I don’t think. I knew it was going to be an emotional moment, but it was a lot more so than I’d expected. I’m going to wander off and process this more. Wheel off, rather.
9:37pm: I spent the whole evening in my chair. Did stuff I normally would, chatted online, made dinner, got some extra work done. I still can’t adequately put the feeling into words, really. It just feels right.

The day after tomorrow I have to head out of town for a week, without my chair. It’ll be hard, after having done this today. When I get back, I need to practice more, and figure out a plan to start wheeling outside.
Today was a very good day.